Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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