My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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