I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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