How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed