You're earring is so big in my mouth
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet