please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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