it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize