I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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