Four minutes until I can fart!
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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