You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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