in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Pooping to opera.
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