Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
