I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
