K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize