sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
