its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
