Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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