my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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