I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize
