What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
