so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
