The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
