She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
