clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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