woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
