TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
