The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
