similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
