Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
