haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
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if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
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She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
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