Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
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My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
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