he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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