ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
