i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
