When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
