Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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