The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
