Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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