He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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