The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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