you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
It's shark week go big or go home
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
