his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
