I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
