im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
