i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
cat food counts as protein by the way
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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