they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
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