I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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