At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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