i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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