Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
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