I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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