Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Randomize
