my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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