you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
