Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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