i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
