I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
